That Thing

You know that thing. That thing you feel when you are doing something you love. Something you're good at. Something even you, in all of your insecurity, can admit you are good at. Something you know God gave you. That gift. That talent. The pure bliss and joy you feel when you do it. That bubbling of your heart (the touchy feely heart bubbling, not the heart burn acid reflux-ish bubble). It makes you want to smile, hum, skip, bob your head. If you are perceptive you might even be able to see it in others. It makes you believe in yourself. It makes you dream. It gives you the warm fuzzies. You have courage in it. You have spunk when you do it. You do it with gumption...

I've been thinking about that thing tonight. It began stirring in my heart by my favorite television show, Glee! Cheesy, dramatic, funny, silly show. It has its flaws and cons, but it does often communicate a good message. In the finale the glee kids competed at regionals. It was obvious, which is obviously what they meant to show through the acting, that the glee kids had "heart". They were the underdogs, and they didn't win, but they had heart. You could see it. And yes, its not real. But they meant to show that through their acting, and they did. When people do things with "heart" you see it. When you do something with heart you feel it. You feel that thing.

The thought was brought back to my mind by some kids from my church that have more gumption than most adults could ever achieve. These girls are not even teenagers yet. They are preteens and they have started their own business. They are making and selling dog treats, toys, shampoo, and washing dogs, etc. And I asked, "So what are ya'll doing with the money, splitting it?" To which she replied, "We're saving it for college." They are all 13 or under! Can you imagine what God is going to do in the lives of those girls? With dreams and visions and courage and spunk and gumption like that?! They are going to change the world.

You don't have to be a kid to have it. We all have it. It's in us somewhere. The guts to do what God created us to do and the things He called us to do, it's there. My thoughts about that thing are confusing me tonight. I know what makes me feel it, and what I have it in. I feel it when I write. I feel it when I cook and bake for others. I feel it when I teach. I feel it when I hold a baby. I feel it when I know God is using me to make a difference. I feel it when I work with girls and women. But what does it mean when you don't feel it. People have jobs everyday that are just jobs. It makes the world go round. Are you supposed to feel it at your job? Does not feeling it mean you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing? Can you make yourself feel it? And what if all the things you feel it in don't go together or make sense? Feeling it makes me dream. Not feeling it crushes dreams for me. So tonight, I'm confused. I don't feel it at all in my job. So I'm torn. Can I make myself feel it? Or am I in the wrong place? And how do I make the things I feel it in, the gifts, talents, and abilities, fit together?

I need a dream. I need a vision. I need direction. It can happen. "Somewhere over the rainbow way up high, and the dreams that you dreamed of once in a lullaby, somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly and the dreams that you dreamed of, dreams really do come true." I once knew I could change the world and make a difference. I've had dreams. I have them. I KNOW God gives me that thing for a reason. Maybe I'm just impatient. I want it. I want to feel that thing. I want to feel my heart burst with joy knowing I'm where God wants me and doing what He wants. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Here I am. Fumbling with all these pieces, trying to put together the puzzle of me that only God truly knows and can put together. In the words of Mr. Shuester, "Life only really has one beginning and one end, and the rest is just a whole lot of middle." I want to have high hopes for you middle.