You know when you eat one of those meals and it just warms you from the inside out? Not the Louisiana spicy warmth, or the Louisiana summer warmth for that matter, but the warmth of comfort and home and all things warm and fuzzy. Well despite most people's aversion to the horribly named for the goodness it is capable of meatloaf, it truly does deliver that warmth, if made correctly of course. If you are a lover of the loaf-o-meat, you will of course like this recipe. If you turn your nose up at the unworthy of such treatment meatloaf, give it another try! This recipe is straight out of my Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. It really is the best meatloaf I've ever had! And all the spices and ingredients are probably stuff you always have on hand!
Meatloaf of Awesome!
(The recipe calls for 1 1/2 lbs of meat, but the package from Wal-mart came with 2 1/4, which is about what most bigger packages come with. The amount still fits nicely in a loaf pan. Due to using more meat I increased the amount of other things. I will note my changes like this.)
2 egg, beaten (Used 3)
3/4 cup milk (Used about 1 c)
2/3 cup bread crumbs (Used a little less than1 c)
1/4 cup chopped onion (Used 1/2 cup)
(I also added 3 green onions chopped, save a pinch of the tops out to sprinkle on top)
2 tablespoons fresh parsley (Used 2 tbsp of dry plus 1 more teaspoon probably)
1 teaspoon salt (Used 1 1/2 - 2 tsp)
1/2 teaspoon dried sage, oregano, or basil (Used 1/2 teaspoon of each, definitely use sage though, really adds to the comfort flavor)
1 1/2 lbs of lean ground beef, ground lamb, or ground pork (Used 2 1/4 of ground chuck)
1/4 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon dry mustard
Preheat oven to 350. Mix milk and eggs together. Stir in bread crumbs, parsley, sage, basil, oregano (or whatever combination you use), salt, pepper, and onion. Mix in meat. Pat mixture into a loaf pan (or mold into loaf form in a baking dish). Bake 1 - 1 1/4 hours (I cooked mine for about 1 1/45 because of the additional meat, it was perfect). Internal temp should be 160 on an instant read thermometer. (I don't have a thermometer, need to get one, but mine came out perfect. If you are worried about it losing moisture put a pan of water in the oven under it. This can also catch any drippings you might have, which I did.) Spoon or pour off fat. In a small bowl combine ketchup, brown sugar, and dry mustard. Spread over meat. (Sprinkle with green onions tops if desired.) Bake for another 10 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes before cutting.
So yum! Pure comfort in your mouth and tummy. I made homemade mashed potatoes and asparagus with mine. (Target has the best asparagus! It's steam in the bag and is so yummy and cooks perfect.) Now, let's come up with another name for meatloaf so that so many people don't have an aversion to it!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Cinnamony Goodness
Saturday's scheduled meal was pancakes! But for dinner of course. I had the realization that I don't believe I have ever made pancakes when they are "supposed" to be eaten. There is just something about pancakes that are so comforting for dinner to me.
Pancakes can be rather... mundane. So I decided to spice them up a bit, literally hehe. First, I don't really like syrup. So any way that I can make them and not need syrup is a better way to me. I usually remedy my syrup problem by making a fruit syrup or with a little powdered sugar. This time I decided to be inspired by the yummy goodness of french toast. I can't decide whether to call the Cinnamon Swirl Pancakes or French Toast Pancakes. Either way, it was supper easy and REALLY yummy! Kids would love them too! And the taste is a little fancier than normal pancakes to appetizing to the sophisticated adult palette too (who are we kidding, we still like gummy bears, animal crackers, and macaroni and cheese too!) I had the almost effortlessly convenient microwavable bacon and a fruit salad with the meal. Took a little over 30 minutes to prepare and cook the entire meal. (Another tip: When you make your fruit salad, composed of whatever fruits you have around, after mixing it swirl a little honey on top and then stir it in. It brings out the flavor of the fruits. I also sprinkle a little cinnamon atop each serving. But it depends on what fruits you use. This might not be as good with a fruit salad that uses melons. I used blackberries, strawberries, plums, a peach, an apple, and an orange.)
French Toast Pancakes/Cinnamon Swirl Pancakes
Batter:
2 cups Heart Health Bisquick mix (can make homemade batter too, but I love the Heart Healthy Bisquick)
1 1/4th cup fat free skim milk (or whatever you have)
1 egg
(This is where the Bisquick box stops, but I added...)
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
Mix well. If you have an ice cream scoop, it distributes the perfect amount for perfect sized pancakes! My pan is small so I only fit two at a time. Spray the pan then scoop the batter on. Cook pancakes on medium - medium low heat. When the pancakes started bubbling and were about ready to flip, I spooned on, in a swirl design, a little brown sugar butter.
Melt 1/4 cup of margarine, butter, whatever, I used smart balance in a measuring cup in the microwaves. Spoon in a few tablespoons of brown sugar and a few shakes of cinnamon. I just used a metal teaspoon full on each.
Flip and cook for just about a minute or less longer and done! I also mixed up some cinnamon sugar with just a drop or two of butter to make it slightly crumbly and sprinkled that on top. Once they were all done, I drizzled the remainder of the brown sugar butter over all the pancakes, probably less than a tablespoon less. They need no syrup, no butter. They are warm, cozy and comforting! You can omit the cinnamon sugar sprinkle or even the brown sugar butter if you want. They batter stands alone. But you usually butter pancakes anyway, so I just decided incorporate the butter in a swirl! Enjoy!
Pancakes can be rather... mundane. So I decided to spice them up a bit, literally hehe. First, I don't really like syrup. So any way that I can make them and not need syrup is a better way to me. I usually remedy my syrup problem by making a fruit syrup or with a little powdered sugar. This time I decided to be inspired by the yummy goodness of french toast. I can't decide whether to call the Cinnamon Swirl Pancakes or French Toast Pancakes. Either way, it was supper easy and REALLY yummy! Kids would love them too! And the taste is a little fancier than normal pancakes to appetizing to the sophisticated adult palette too (who are we kidding, we still like gummy bears, animal crackers, and macaroni and cheese too!) I had the almost effortlessly convenient microwavable bacon and a fruit salad with the meal. Took a little over 30 minutes to prepare and cook the entire meal. (Another tip: When you make your fruit salad, composed of whatever fruits you have around, after mixing it swirl a little honey on top and then stir it in. It brings out the flavor of the fruits. I also sprinkle a little cinnamon atop each serving. But it depends on what fruits you use. This might not be as good with a fruit salad that uses melons. I used blackberries, strawberries, plums, a peach, an apple, and an orange.)
French Toast Pancakes/Cinnamon Swirl Pancakes
Batter:
2 cups Heart Health Bisquick mix (can make homemade batter too, but I love the Heart Healthy Bisquick)
1 1/4th cup fat free skim milk (or whatever you have)
1 egg
(This is where the Bisquick box stops, but I added...)
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
Mix well. If you have an ice cream scoop, it distributes the perfect amount for perfect sized pancakes! My pan is small so I only fit two at a time. Spray the pan then scoop the batter on. Cook pancakes on medium - medium low heat. When the pancakes started bubbling and were about ready to flip, I spooned on, in a swirl design, a little brown sugar butter.
Melt 1/4 cup of margarine, butter, whatever, I used smart balance in a measuring cup in the microwaves. Spoon in a few tablespoons of brown sugar and a few shakes of cinnamon. I just used a metal teaspoon full on each.
Flip and cook for just about a minute or less longer and done! I also mixed up some cinnamon sugar with just a drop or two of butter to make it slightly crumbly and sprinkled that on top. Once they were all done, I drizzled the remainder of the brown sugar butter over all the pancakes, probably less than a tablespoon less. They need no syrup, no butter. They are warm, cozy and comforting! You can omit the cinnamon sugar sprinkle or even the brown sugar butter if you want. They batter stands alone. But you usually butter pancakes anyway, so I just decided incorporate the butter in a swirl! Enjoy!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Pseudo Steak
Well, I told you I cook 3 times a week and plan my meals out for the month. I'd love to cook everyday, but I'm just me and ALOT of food would go to waste. I eat about three times off each meal, sometimes more depending on what it is. I freeze it if it's something that makes a whole lot and is hard to make a smaller batch. So, it goes for two dinners and a lunch usually. Tonight's meal was nothing special, but I'm going to post it anyway. I like knowing what other people eat because it gives me meal ideas. So I'm gonna share just in case anyone out there is like me!
I am a girl (obviously, by the simple fact that I use way more words than necessary to say anything). Until a few months ago, I was convinced only boys could grill. Then, I got tired of not eating grilled things! So, I bought a cute little red mini grill, charcoal, fun grill accessories, and a cute basket to put them in and I conquered the grill! And yes, I made grilling cute (and am convinced that is ok! Despite what any man crowned in his kiss the cook apron and fancy grill may think). But the one thing I can't cook is steak. I would prefer to leave that a man job. They really do do it better. My dad makes the best steaks in the entire world (just like everyone else's dad). So that being said, I never ever get steak. Once a year from my dad and maybe once or twice a year at a restaurant. But I love steak! I love A1. I love the whole steak/baked potato/salad meal.
Well, tonight I made a meal I am dubbing Po' Man's Steak. What I always thought were chopped steaks, but are actually cube steaks, are really cheap! I decided to get some and treat them like steaks. I marinated them the night before and all day today in italian dressing. I made baked potatoes and that yummy greek salad again that I posted a couple of days ago. I cut up a sweet onion and half a red onion and sauteed them with two small cans of mushrooms, EVOO, sea salt, cracked black pepper, and some red wine vinegar. I sprinkled the steaks with sea salt, cracked pepper, and some McCormick steak rub. I pan grilled them, just coating the bottom of the pan with a little EVOO. Way too hot to be using the cute red grill. Sweating is so not cute, even if you have on a cute apron and cute red grill. OH! Speaking of aprons, my Nanny sent me a box full of her old aprons today! Cute, girlie, frilly, amazing retro aprons! Ok, distracted moment over. And...
Voilà! Po' Man's Steak! It was really yummy! Something else you should know about me... Even when it's just me eating, I "present" my plate. I'm totally like Jennifer Lopez on The Wedding Planner. It has to be a pretty presentation! And this was pretty! Side note, I need a camera to take picture of my meals. Anyway, baked potato all mashed up with skin, like I like it, with a little butter, sour cream, bacon bits, sea salt, and cracked black pepper. Next to it, the "fake steak" with onions and mushrooms beside, A1 poured over both. Salad in a bowl. It was totally the steak/baked potato/salad meal feel! If you treat it like steak and dress it like steak, it's might just become steak! Or Po' Man's Steak. Cheap, yummy, easy!
Make yummy food! Put away the George Forman and experiment! Food can be healthy AND taste good. Food should never be boring! When it's boring, McDonald's is more appealing to you than cooking. And that my friend, should be a sin!
I am a girl (obviously, by the simple fact that I use way more words than necessary to say anything). Until a few months ago, I was convinced only boys could grill. Then, I got tired of not eating grilled things! So, I bought a cute little red mini grill, charcoal, fun grill accessories, and a cute basket to put them in and I conquered the grill! And yes, I made grilling cute (and am convinced that is ok! Despite what any man crowned in his kiss the cook apron and fancy grill may think). But the one thing I can't cook is steak. I would prefer to leave that a man job. They really do do it better. My dad makes the best steaks in the entire world (just like everyone else's dad). So that being said, I never ever get steak. Once a year from my dad and maybe once or twice a year at a restaurant. But I love steak! I love A1. I love the whole steak/baked potato/salad meal.
Well, tonight I made a meal I am dubbing Po' Man's Steak. What I always thought were chopped steaks, but are actually cube steaks, are really cheap! I decided to get some and treat them like steaks. I marinated them the night before and all day today in italian dressing. I made baked potatoes and that yummy greek salad again that I posted a couple of days ago. I cut up a sweet onion and half a red onion and sauteed them with two small cans of mushrooms, EVOO, sea salt, cracked black pepper, and some red wine vinegar. I sprinkled the steaks with sea salt, cracked pepper, and some McCormick steak rub. I pan grilled them, just coating the bottom of the pan with a little EVOO. Way too hot to be using the cute red grill. Sweating is so not cute, even if you have on a cute apron and cute red grill. OH! Speaking of aprons, my Nanny sent me a box full of her old aprons today! Cute, girlie, frilly, amazing retro aprons! Ok, distracted moment over. And...
Voilà! Po' Man's Steak! It was really yummy! Something else you should know about me... Even when it's just me eating, I "present" my plate. I'm totally like Jennifer Lopez on The Wedding Planner. It has to be a pretty presentation! And this was pretty! Side note, I need a camera to take picture of my meals. Anyway, baked potato all mashed up with skin, like I like it, with a little butter, sour cream, bacon bits, sea salt, and cracked black pepper. Next to it, the "fake steak" with onions and mushrooms beside, A1 poured over both. Salad in a bowl. It was totally the steak/baked potato/salad meal feel! If you treat it like steak and dress it like steak, it's might just become steak! Or Po' Man's Steak. Cheap, yummy, easy!
Make yummy food! Put away the George Forman and experiment! Food can be healthy AND taste good. Food should never be boring! When it's boring, McDonald's is more appealing to you than cooking. And that my friend, should be a sin!
Monday, July 19, 2010
It's all Greek to me!
Ok. Today is a new day! I decided this month was going to be better! Last month I was in another funk. Nothing felt right. Oh and months to me go from the 15th to the 15th. So by new month I mean the month of Jugust (July 15th - August 15th). Last month I didn't plan my meals like I usually do, I ate out way too much, I was sick twice, I had to get new tires, I didn't manage my money well, I didn't feel like cooking or cleaning, I didn't work out, I got in trouble at work a lot (which we all do every week, but it just was getting to me). I was just blah!
Now! I have a dishwasher (that I got for free) and I literally LOVE doing dishes now. Go 10 months washing them by hand with no counter space and an itty bitty sink, then get a dishwasher and you'll love doing dishes too! I found a grocery list template and OCDish made my list and planned out all my meals for the entire month. I cook on Sundays, Tuesday, and Fridays, expect recipes on those days :). I bought all my groceries for the entire month, tithes, and paid all my bills! Finances will be much better this month! I brought my lunch today and will everyday. No eating out! AND I started back to the gym today.
On a side note, I really love doing organizing tasks. Somehow, it is the best stress relief to me. I love planning out meals for the month! It's like a puzzle making it all a variety and figuring out how to best use leftovers, etc. I just love it. AND it saves SO much money. And makes you so excited about cooking. I anticipate each meal and recipe. I also make sure to do several new recipes a month, using at least one from one of my cookbooks, and the others from food.com (formerly know as recipezaar.com).
Ok back on track. Tonight I found my new favorite meal of all time (or until I find another new favorite). I literally could eat this once a week! Which by the way, I never eat anything once a week because planning your meals is so fun and helps you no repeat and have the same ol' same ol'. I LOVE Greek food. If you've ever had a conversation about restaurants or favorite foods with me you know its all Greek for me! Except, oddly enough, to love Mediterranean food so much, I hate olives. I try them once a month to try and make myself like them, because I really really want to like them, but I just don't. But I always have hummus and pita bread at my house and if given the choice of any New Olreans restaurant, I will always always pick Lebanon's or Mona's. So I had this realization that I've never made anything Greek (other than hummus). I decided a Greek recipe was a must for this months meals! My faithful favorite site came through! Tonight I had Greek chicken and potatoes with Greek salad and I could eat it everyday for two weeks straight!
The recipes! [Any changes or specifics will be noted like this.]
Greek Salad
DRESSING INGREDIENTS:
1 cup olive oil (can reduce to 3/4 cup) [I used 1 cup]
2-3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice [I used 3]
2-3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice [I used 3]
2-4 teaspoons dried oregano [I used 4]
3 teaspoons fresh minced garlic
1 teaspoon dried basil
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 teaspoons fresh minced garlic
1 teaspoon dried basil
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
SALAD INGREDIENTS
1 large romaine lettuce, chopped [I used bagged/washed/chopped hearts of romaine (1.98 for a BIG bag at Sam's]
2-3 plum tomatoes, cut in wedges [I used grape tomatoes, 4.98 for a BIG container at Sam's, and I rough chopped them with the slap chop, which is 5.97 at Wal-mart and the best food prep tool ever! Cuts cutting time in half, love love love it!]
1 English cucumbers (peeled, seeded and chopped) [I used a regular one and didn't peel or seed. I sliced then rough chopped smaller with slap chop]
1 red onions, cut in slices [I cut mine smaller with slap chop, don't like big pieces of onion]
1 green bell peppers (seeded and cut into rings or sliced) [Or slap chopped! Can you tell I'm obsessed with that thing?]
1/2 lb feta cheese, crumbled [1 of the little circle containers of it]
SALAD INGREDIENTS
1 large romaine lettuce, chopped [I used bagged/washed/chopped hearts of romaine (1.98 for a BIG bag at Sam's]
2-3 plum tomatoes, cut in wedges [I used grape tomatoes, 4.98 for a BIG container at Sam's, and I rough chopped them with the slap chop, which is 5.97 at Wal-mart and the best food prep tool ever! Cuts cutting time in half, love love love it!]
1 English cucumbers (peeled, seeded and chopped) [I used a regular one and didn't peel or seed. I sliced then rough chopped smaller with slap chop]
1 red onions, cut in slices [I cut mine smaller with slap chop, don't like big pieces of onion]
1 green bell peppers (seeded and cut into rings or sliced) [Or slap chopped! Can you tell I'm obsessed with that thing?]
1/2 lb feta cheese, crumbled [1 of the little circle containers of it]
1 cup kalamata olives [I didn't use olives. Wish I liked them!]
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. For the dressing: in a processor or use a wire whisk process/whisk the olive oil with lemon juice, oregano, garlic, basil, red wine vinegar, salt, pepper and sugar until smooth. [I put everything in one of those little salad dressing jars you get with the Italian or ranch dressing mixes and shook! Easier and less clean up.]
2. Chill in fridge for a couple of hours before using to blend flavors. [I made it the night before.]
3. Place the salad ingredients in a large bowl. Pour dressing over; toss to combine.
4. If desired allow the salad to sit at room temperature for 20 minutes before serving, or you can refrigerate for 1 hour (tossing a few time during sitting time).
Greek Chicken and Potatoes
INGREDIENTS:
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut in 3/4 inch cubes [I used 3, wanted more leftovers]
2 cups potatoes, cubed [I used 4 small russet potatoes, which was about 3 cups]
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 chicken bouillon cubes, dissolved in 1/2 cup water [I used 1/2 cup chicken stock]
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 to taste salt and pepper
2 cups potatoes, cubed [I used 4 small russet potatoes, which was about 3 cups]
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 chicken bouillon cubes, dissolved in 1/2 cup water [I used 1/2 cup chicken stock]
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 to taste salt and pepper
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 400°F. Place chicken, potatoes, and garlic in a 9 X 13 inch glass baking pan.
2. Mix well to get everything evenly distributed in the pan.
3. Season with salt and pepper.
4. Pour the chicken bouillon [or chicken stock]over all.
5. Whisk olive oil, lemon juice and crumbled oregano together.
6. Pour evenly over chicken and potatoes. [I also sprinkled Greek seasoning all over it at this point.]
7. Bake approximately 30-35 minutes until chicken is cooked through and potatoes are tender and golden brown. [Says 30-35 but really not sure how long I cooked it, probably longer, until potatoes were tender.]
I highly recommend these recipes!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
That Thing
You know that thing. That thing you feel when you are doing something you love. Something you're good at. Something even you, in all of your insecurity, can admit you are good at. Something you know God gave you. That gift. That talent. The pure bliss and joy you feel when you do it. That bubbling of your heart (the touchy feely heart bubbling, not the heart burn acid reflux-ish bubble). It makes you want to smile, hum, skip, bob your head. If you are perceptive you might even be able to see it in others. It makes you believe in yourself. It makes you dream. It gives you the warm fuzzies. You have courage in it. You have spunk when you do it. You do it with gumption...
I've been thinking about that thing tonight. It began stirring in my heart by my favorite television show, Glee! Cheesy, dramatic, funny, silly show. It has its flaws and cons, but it does often communicate a good message. In the finale the glee kids competed at regionals. It was obvious, which is obviously what they meant to show through the acting, that the glee kids had "heart". They were the underdogs, and they didn't win, but they had heart. You could see it. And yes, its not real. But they meant to show that through their acting, and they did. When people do things with "heart" you see it. When you do something with heart you feel it. You feel that thing.
The thought was brought back to my mind by some kids from my church that have more gumption than most adults could ever achieve. These girls are not even teenagers yet. They are preteens and they have started their own business. They are making and selling dog treats, toys, shampoo, and washing dogs, etc. And I asked, "So what are ya'll doing with the money, splitting it?" To which she replied, "We're saving it for college." They are all 13 or under! Can you imagine what God is going to do in the lives of those girls? With dreams and visions and courage and spunk and gumption like that?! They are going to change the world.
You don't have to be a kid to have it. We all have it. It's in us somewhere. The guts to do what God created us to do and the things He called us to do, it's there. My thoughts about that thing are confusing me tonight. I know what makes me feel it, and what I have it in. I feel it when I write. I feel it when I cook and bake for others. I feel it when I teach. I feel it when I hold a baby. I feel it when I know God is using me to make a difference. I feel it when I work with girls and women. But what does it mean when you don't feel it. People have jobs everyday that are just jobs. It makes the world go round. Are you supposed to feel it at your job? Does not feeling it mean you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing? Can you make yourself feel it? And what if all the things you feel it in don't go together or make sense? Feeling it makes me dream. Not feeling it crushes dreams for me. So tonight, I'm confused. I don't feel it at all in my job. So I'm torn. Can I make myself feel it? Or am I in the wrong place? And how do I make the things I feel it in, the gifts, talents, and abilities, fit together?
I need a dream. I need a vision. I need direction. It can happen. "Somewhere over the rainbow way up high, and the dreams that you dreamed of once in a lullaby, somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly and the dreams that you dreamed of, dreams really do come true." I once knew I could change the world and make a difference. I've had dreams. I have them. I KNOW God gives me that thing for a reason. Maybe I'm just impatient. I want it. I want to feel that thing. I want to feel my heart burst with joy knowing I'm where God wants me and doing what He wants. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Here I am. Fumbling with all these pieces, trying to put together the puzzle of me that only God truly knows and can put together. In the words of Mr. Shuester, "Life only really has one beginning and one end, and the rest is just a whole lot of middle." I want to have high hopes for you middle.
I've been thinking about that thing tonight. It began stirring in my heart by my favorite television show, Glee! Cheesy, dramatic, funny, silly show. It has its flaws and cons, but it does often communicate a good message. In the finale the glee kids competed at regionals. It was obvious, which is obviously what they meant to show through the acting, that the glee kids had "heart". They were the underdogs, and they didn't win, but they had heart. You could see it. And yes, its not real. But they meant to show that through their acting, and they did. When people do things with "heart" you see it. When you do something with heart you feel it. You feel that thing.
The thought was brought back to my mind by some kids from my church that have more gumption than most adults could ever achieve. These girls are not even teenagers yet. They are preteens and they have started their own business. They are making and selling dog treats, toys, shampoo, and washing dogs, etc. And I asked, "So what are ya'll doing with the money, splitting it?" To which she replied, "We're saving it for college." They are all 13 or under! Can you imagine what God is going to do in the lives of those girls? With dreams and visions and courage and spunk and gumption like that?! They are going to change the world.
You don't have to be a kid to have it. We all have it. It's in us somewhere. The guts to do what God created us to do and the things He called us to do, it's there. My thoughts about that thing are confusing me tonight. I know what makes me feel it, and what I have it in. I feel it when I write. I feel it when I cook and bake for others. I feel it when I teach. I feel it when I hold a baby. I feel it when I know God is using me to make a difference. I feel it when I work with girls and women. But what does it mean when you don't feel it. People have jobs everyday that are just jobs. It makes the world go round. Are you supposed to feel it at your job? Does not feeling it mean you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing? Can you make yourself feel it? And what if all the things you feel it in don't go together or make sense? Feeling it makes me dream. Not feeling it crushes dreams for me. So tonight, I'm confused. I don't feel it at all in my job. So I'm torn. Can I make myself feel it? Or am I in the wrong place? And how do I make the things I feel it in, the gifts, talents, and abilities, fit together?
I need a dream. I need a vision. I need direction. It can happen. "Somewhere over the rainbow way up high, and the dreams that you dreamed of once in a lullaby, somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly and the dreams that you dreamed of, dreams really do come true." I once knew I could change the world and make a difference. I've had dreams. I have them. I KNOW God gives me that thing for a reason. Maybe I'm just impatient. I want it. I want to feel that thing. I want to feel my heart burst with joy knowing I'm where God wants me and doing what He wants. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Here I am. Fumbling with all these pieces, trying to put together the puzzle of me that only God truly knows and can put together. In the words of Mr. Shuester, "Life only really has one beginning and one end, and the rest is just a whole lot of middle." I want to have high hopes for you middle.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Growing Up
Disclaimer: My tummy hurts and I can't focus on work so my head is swimming and if I know me, this is likely to be ramble-y and a combination of several posts I've thought about making in the last month and have lots of run-on sentences and no certain point. Or maybe I'll amaze myself and have a killer ending paragraph to tie it all together, but don't count on it. :)
Well it's official. I'm growing up. I'm 27 now you know. I'm very responsible and adult like (despite the fact that I'm being irresponsible right now and blogging at work and wearing flip flops at work). Okay so maybe I'm not always responsible and adult like. I do have three Glee soundtracks in my car I listen to non-stop, along with all three High School Musicals, Camp Rock, and The Hannah Montana Movie soundtracks, and lets not forget The Jonas Brothers and all of their cds that also live in my collection. BUT I am growing up. I have had my first full time adult job for 8 months now and have managed to make all of my clients, even the difficult (crazy) ones like me. Just this week one of those cra.. I mean difficult ones told me I was a tough cookie and she was glad I was her case manager. See! Me.. a tough cookie. That's growing up. Another reason I know I'm growing up is because of this past birthday I just had where I got further from 25 and closer to 30, where I almost decided that I was officially too old to celebrate birthdays because of the day... Allow me to share.
Okay so it was my birthday and every birthday I always plan out my outfit in detail, buy a new outfit or something fun like that. I mean it's your birthday! You have to look cute. So of course, I did. Bright yellow dress, gray and yellow stripped cardigan, cute owl necklace, good hair day, you know, great birthday outfit! So my coworkers and I had decided to order out to Copeland's for lunch to go and eat it in the office for lunch. Well if you know me and my quirks, you know I have a tendency to be a control freak and to get stressed out when things don't go smoothly. Well in true Kasia-fashion, since no one else volunteered to take everyone's orders and organize everything in a time that I thought they should, me and my control freakishness did it. And then of course, I got stressed out because people wouldn't hurry, we didn't order on time, people changed their orders, etc. So I placed, called in, and collected money and cards for all 10ish orders. One coworker did help collect the money. So then I went with all my separate labeled in detail envelopes with the money and cards with two other girls to pay and pick up everything. I paid the tip and paid for two people's orders (on my birthday), who eventually paid me back but it was over a week. So we get back with the food, and everyone's food is there... except mine! So of course I'm already stressed out and aggravated, and then no food for me! Except my cheesecake was there. So while my friend went to pick up mine, I started eating my yummy banana fudge cheesecake. I mean it's my birthday okay, I can eat dessert first! So whilst eating said yummy cheesecake... "Kasia, line 3." So I answer and its a dropping a bomb of a call full of crazy stuff I'm going to have to fix and deal with, which on any other day, sure would have been stressful, but following the events of the day already and the fact that it was my birthday... well I didn't handle it to well. Not too many details, but it lead to me having to call police, call protective services, lots of allegations, illegal drugs, stealing, etc. So as I get off the phone and start to complain and freak out and inquire about what to do now, I hear, "Um, Kasia. You have chocolate on your dress." I look down and it not just on my dress, it's ALL OVER my dress. I'm talking from the frilly scoop neck to my knees. So I lay my head down on my desk and just cry for about 30 minutes. Then spent 30 minutes using an entire tide pen getting it all out, which I did. Then I got fussed at about something else so went and sat on the bathroom floor at work and cried for another 30 minutes. Then cried in my car all the way home.
Now I did end up having a good birthday. Against what I felt, I wanted to just lay in the bed and cry, but I went to a women's ministry thing that night, wore a sombrero, heard the happy birthday song and had great company. And the next day I went out with some wonderful friends for dinner and a movie and it was in fact a redeemable birthday. And I'm not gonna stop celebrating, yet. But, I know I'm growing up, and just growing as a person, because even though I was hypersensitive because it was my birthday and it just stunk, I cried all the way home and on the bathroom floor because God was speaking to me and showing me huge things.
I've been going to counseling for almost two years now and the counselor I have had since August is just amazing. Every day isn't great. But there isn't a week of my life that I can't look back and see how I learned something new about myself or grew in someway or took a baby step of some sort. I'm not where I wish I was, but facing your past, a stolen childhood, a dysfunctional history, and learning from it and how to fix it and change things about yourself that are your fault and some that aren't, doesn't happen over night. Becoming who God wants you to be is a process for anyone, but even more so when there are so many things in the way that affect how you see God, yourself, how you trust, and fundamental things that are vitally important to living the life God wants for you. Thursday is counseling day. Friday was my birthday.
That Thursday I had one of the many revelations I've had about myself through this whole counseling and going through God's refinery process and then saw it unfold before my eyes all day Friday. I always knew I had to deal with things as a child that a lot of adults have never even had to deal with. But I didn't know that meant something. My reading for counseling that week had been about growing up in a dysfunctional family and how living in constant unpredictable crisis after crisis affects you and how children of those families often lose their childhood. My first thought was so what, big deal, how does that affect anything. But as always, as I read my homework from this book that I swear was written by me from the future or something, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My friend Stacy and I used to joke about how, because of how we grew up and things that had happened in our families, we always have just lived in survival mode. I've prided myself in living in survival mode. When people told me I was strong to have dealt with stuff, in my mind I shrugged and didn't feel like I was strong. I just felt like I survived, because it's what I knew how to do. And thank God for survival mode then, I needed it. But now as an adult, I'm having to learn to let go of it. My entire childhood and adolescence was lived from crisis to crisis. When you grow up like that, you learn to not trust when things are calm, to always expect a crisis and to live your life focused on whatever crisis is at hand. As an adult, the way it plays it self out is in sabotaging your own success. As I read every example of how adults do this, my heart sunk. I saw myself in every single one: you tell yourself that you don't deserve to succeed, you tell yourself that God doesn't want you to succeed, you tell yourself the good you desire will never happen so you might as well quit trying, you tell yourself that whatever you have accomplished has been fake because you were wearing a mask, you cultivate an addition to work (or volunteering or activities) that keeps you in a state of near exhaustion, you give in to fear just before you reach a major goal, you tell yourself the future will never come, you maintain a commitment to stay on the edge of success without ever achieving it. Now, I'm not a negative person usually. So I'm not saying I consciously said or thought these things ever, or was even aware of them, but as I read them and the more in depth descriptions, I saw myself and so many things that I do. I understood parts of myself for the first time.
And then (and by the way Mr. Blog, I know you have fallen asleep and are no longer listening to me, but that's okay, I am good at talking to myself, it's a very complicated talent I've developed) reading the book I wrote in the future and published under some other name and sent back to the present, about a lost childhood, just wow. It talked about how a child loses that is by becoming a caretaker, by abuse, by learning to turn off emotions, and by choosing to survive in a harsh family situation. All of which are things that happened and I did without even being aware. I was just surviving, but it happened. And let me say, I love my parents. And am so happy to be alive and that their DNA and only theirs made and could have made me. But life is messy, things happen. We are fallen people that live in a fallen world. We make mistakes and those mistakes affect generations. Not on purpose, but they do. But when you live in crazyland full of crisis after crisis, the adults have bigger things to focus on than making sure a child is nurtured as a child should be. My parents always provided. My mom even as a single mom even always provided. We never missed a meal (obviously), we always had a house, clothes, and basic physical needs. But children have emotional needs. They don't know they do. And sometimes parents don't know that the child does either, but it's a fact. Children need to play, they need to know emotions are okay, they need to feel safe, they need to believe mom and dad will be there tomorrow, they need to know someone will be there when they are hurt, they need to know certain values are honored in their family, they need to know someone will listen, they need help knowing what is real. To a child shadows move on their own, monsters live in the closet and under the bed, their best friend doesn't like them because they threw a rock at them, it's a parents job to do all of that. Big scary job, but it is. If home isn't a safe place, if its a dysfunctional crazyland, that doesn't happen. Kids brains aren't developed. They don't know what they are doing. They are just surviving when life is crazy. They don't learn how to feel. They don't learn what emotions are okay or what emotions you should feel about something. So a child makes an unspoken decision to become a caretaker. In the words of the book, "She musters all the strength she can find, she starts taking care of things and people. The child becomes a fixer of people. She learns to smooth out rough spots in relationships. She becomes a problem solver. She covers for her parents when they make mistakes. She may even do some very impressive things to bring honor to an otherwise dishonorable situation. This child is now a caretaker. Caretakers do not have much time to be children." During childhood is when you develop the ability to trust. If something happens to take that away, children learn that trusting is too dangerous and not to do it anymore. They become bullerproof and lose the innocent trust of childhood. In healthy families, when something bad happens, a child can talk about it later and ask what it meant, why it happened, and if everything is okay. In dysfunctional families, nobody says anything the next day, or the next, or ever. Things are never talked about. This is what I read and felt it sink and sink and sink into my heart and awareness of myself.
So Friday, the birthday, I see it everywhere. I saw it in everything I do. In every way that I handled the events of the entire day. I watched myself being a caretaker over something as small as taking lunch orders. I watched myself not trusting others enough to do it. I remembered time after time when I've done it in the past. It's like a movie playing in my mind all day. A mix of my childhood and adulthood and so many things that now made sense. Understanding why I freak out and why I can't imagine a future and why I can't believe God's promises for me. I saw myself not trusting that anyone will stay in my life. I saw myself people a fixer of people, of everything. I saw myself living from crisis to crisis. I saw my walls and how I don't let anyone in and let anyone help me. I saw how I hide from my emotions. I saw so many instances of sabotaging my own success. I saw my relationship with God. I saw what the past two years of this sometimes really difficult season of my life have been. I vividly saw the picture described in the book I wrote in the future and sent back to the present (hehe, the book is called Making Peace With Your Past by Tim Sledge). The author said, "...it's like trying to hold down a bunch of balloons under water. The balloons are all trying to rise as you try to keep them down. Someday you will get tired, and the balloons will shoot out of the water because you will say: I'm tired. I can't hold them down any longer." As I sat on the bathroom floor at work, as I cried my eyes out all the way home, I saw it. I was in the big ol' Camp Garaywa pool. The balloons were red. I was crying and yelling at the sky, "No, no. I can do it. I can fix it. No not that one. I have it. I can take care of myself." And I heard God saying in a calm, loving voice, "Just let go. Kasia... just.. let.. go." And I realized this, this whole process, balloon by balloon, sometimes inch of balloon by inch of balloon, God's teaching me and showing me how to let go and how to trust Him, and other people. I'm not there yet, but it's a process. The definition of process is to work, to shape, to form. Blood, sweat, tears, effort and all, I'm not there, but I'm on my way.
Please don't hear me complaining. I am not at all doing that. I 150 percent believe God gives you the parents and family He meant to. He doesn't make mistakes. And I love and appreciate every sacrifice my parents made. I am alive because of their sacrifices. But I also believe God is the Master Crafter and Orchestrator and Play-maker of my life, of our lives. I believe and know He uses everything, the good, bad, ugly, dysfunctional, crazyland, baggage, issues, mess of life, all of it, for good. I believe He pushes the right buttons in my heart for all of this to come up and to surface so I can break the cycle. So I don't have to keep passing the dysfunction down to future generations. And so that I can help other people. Like I said, life is messy. For 25 years I survived in my safe survival mode pretty wrapping paper covered package. But God decided it was time to get messy and deal with the mess that affected me in ways I never knew. He decided it's time to be broken, and maybe for a while, and sort out all the pieces, so He can put them back together.
So I know I'm growing up. Because yes, I had a crappy birthday with no princess cakes or candles or train rides in formal dresses, but I saw God. I saw God in a friend who cared enough to get my forgotten food. I saw God in a tide pen. I saw God on a bathroom floor. I saw God in a red balloon. I saw God in the encouraging words of several friends I don't let in enough. I saw God in an ugly sombrero. I'm growing up by growing... as a person, as a friend, as a child of God. I'm growing up by discovering the truth about myself and who I am, and who God is. I'm growing up by tearing down my walls one brick at a time. I'm growing up by slowly letting the red balloons go one by one.
And so... I'm 27 now. And I'm going to keep listening to the Jonas Brothers and being obsessed with Harry Potter, but I'm also going to keep growing.
Well it's official. I'm growing up. I'm 27 now you know. I'm very responsible and adult like (despite the fact that I'm being irresponsible right now and blogging at work and wearing flip flops at work). Okay so maybe I'm not always responsible and adult like. I do have three Glee soundtracks in my car I listen to non-stop, along with all three High School Musicals, Camp Rock, and The Hannah Montana Movie soundtracks, and lets not forget The Jonas Brothers and all of their cds that also live in my collection. BUT I am growing up. I have had my first full time adult job for 8 months now and have managed to make all of my clients, even the difficult (crazy) ones like me. Just this week one of those cra.. I mean difficult ones told me I was a tough cookie and she was glad I was her case manager. See! Me.. a tough cookie. That's growing up. Another reason I know I'm growing up is because of this past birthday I just had where I got further from 25 and closer to 30, where I almost decided that I was officially too old to celebrate birthdays because of the day... Allow me to share.
Okay so it was my birthday and every birthday I always plan out my outfit in detail, buy a new outfit or something fun like that. I mean it's your birthday! You have to look cute. So of course, I did. Bright yellow dress, gray and yellow stripped cardigan, cute owl necklace, good hair day, you know, great birthday outfit! So my coworkers and I had decided to order out to Copeland's for lunch to go and eat it in the office for lunch. Well if you know me and my quirks, you know I have a tendency to be a control freak and to get stressed out when things don't go smoothly. Well in true Kasia-fashion, since no one else volunteered to take everyone's orders and organize everything in a time that I thought they should, me and my control freakishness did it. And then of course, I got stressed out because people wouldn't hurry, we didn't order on time, people changed their orders, etc. So I placed, called in, and collected money and cards for all 10ish orders. One coworker did help collect the money. So then I went with all my separate labeled in detail envelopes with the money and cards with two other girls to pay and pick up everything. I paid the tip and paid for two people's orders (on my birthday), who eventually paid me back but it was over a week. So we get back with the food, and everyone's food is there... except mine! So of course I'm already stressed out and aggravated, and then no food for me! Except my cheesecake was there. So while my friend went to pick up mine, I started eating my yummy banana fudge cheesecake. I mean it's my birthday okay, I can eat dessert first! So whilst eating said yummy cheesecake... "Kasia, line 3." So I answer and its a dropping a bomb of a call full of crazy stuff I'm going to have to fix and deal with, which on any other day, sure would have been stressful, but following the events of the day already and the fact that it was my birthday... well I didn't handle it to well. Not too many details, but it lead to me having to call police, call protective services, lots of allegations, illegal drugs, stealing, etc. So as I get off the phone and start to complain and freak out and inquire about what to do now, I hear, "Um, Kasia. You have chocolate on your dress." I look down and it not just on my dress, it's ALL OVER my dress. I'm talking from the frilly scoop neck to my knees. So I lay my head down on my desk and just cry for about 30 minutes. Then spent 30 minutes using an entire tide pen getting it all out, which I did. Then I got fussed at about something else so went and sat on the bathroom floor at work and cried for another 30 minutes. Then cried in my car all the way home.
Now I did end up having a good birthday. Against what I felt, I wanted to just lay in the bed and cry, but I went to a women's ministry thing that night, wore a sombrero, heard the happy birthday song and had great company. And the next day I went out with some wonderful friends for dinner and a movie and it was in fact a redeemable birthday. And I'm not gonna stop celebrating, yet. But, I know I'm growing up, and just growing as a person, because even though I was hypersensitive because it was my birthday and it just stunk, I cried all the way home and on the bathroom floor because God was speaking to me and showing me huge things.
I've been going to counseling for almost two years now and the counselor I have had since August is just amazing. Every day isn't great. But there isn't a week of my life that I can't look back and see how I learned something new about myself or grew in someway or took a baby step of some sort. I'm not where I wish I was, but facing your past, a stolen childhood, a dysfunctional history, and learning from it and how to fix it and change things about yourself that are your fault and some that aren't, doesn't happen over night. Becoming who God wants you to be is a process for anyone, but even more so when there are so many things in the way that affect how you see God, yourself, how you trust, and fundamental things that are vitally important to living the life God wants for you. Thursday is counseling day. Friday was my birthday.
That Thursday I had one of the many revelations I've had about myself through this whole counseling and going through God's refinery process and then saw it unfold before my eyes all day Friday. I always knew I had to deal with things as a child that a lot of adults have never even had to deal with. But I didn't know that meant something. My reading for counseling that week had been about growing up in a dysfunctional family and how living in constant unpredictable crisis after crisis affects you and how children of those families often lose their childhood. My first thought was so what, big deal, how does that affect anything. But as always, as I read my homework from this book that I swear was written by me from the future or something, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My friend Stacy and I used to joke about how, because of how we grew up and things that had happened in our families, we always have just lived in survival mode. I've prided myself in living in survival mode. When people told me I was strong to have dealt with stuff, in my mind I shrugged and didn't feel like I was strong. I just felt like I survived, because it's what I knew how to do. And thank God for survival mode then, I needed it. But now as an adult, I'm having to learn to let go of it. My entire childhood and adolescence was lived from crisis to crisis. When you grow up like that, you learn to not trust when things are calm, to always expect a crisis and to live your life focused on whatever crisis is at hand. As an adult, the way it plays it self out is in sabotaging your own success. As I read every example of how adults do this, my heart sunk. I saw myself in every single one: you tell yourself that you don't deserve to succeed, you tell yourself that God doesn't want you to succeed, you tell yourself the good you desire will never happen so you might as well quit trying, you tell yourself that whatever you have accomplished has been fake because you were wearing a mask, you cultivate an addition to work (or volunteering or activities) that keeps you in a state of near exhaustion, you give in to fear just before you reach a major goal, you tell yourself the future will never come, you maintain a commitment to stay on the edge of success without ever achieving it. Now, I'm not a negative person usually. So I'm not saying I consciously said or thought these things ever, or was even aware of them, but as I read them and the more in depth descriptions, I saw myself and so many things that I do. I understood parts of myself for the first time.
And then (and by the way Mr. Blog, I know you have fallen asleep and are no longer listening to me, but that's okay, I am good at talking to myself, it's a very complicated talent I've developed) reading the book I wrote in the future and published under some other name and sent back to the present, about a lost childhood, just wow. It talked about how a child loses that is by becoming a caretaker, by abuse, by learning to turn off emotions, and by choosing to survive in a harsh family situation. All of which are things that happened and I did without even being aware. I was just surviving, but it happened. And let me say, I love my parents. And am so happy to be alive and that their DNA and only theirs made and could have made me. But life is messy, things happen. We are fallen people that live in a fallen world. We make mistakes and those mistakes affect generations. Not on purpose, but they do. But when you live in crazyland full of crisis after crisis, the adults have bigger things to focus on than making sure a child is nurtured as a child should be. My parents always provided. My mom even as a single mom even always provided. We never missed a meal (obviously), we always had a house, clothes, and basic physical needs. But children have emotional needs. They don't know they do. And sometimes parents don't know that the child does either, but it's a fact. Children need to play, they need to know emotions are okay, they need to feel safe, they need to believe mom and dad will be there tomorrow, they need to know someone will be there when they are hurt, they need to know certain values are honored in their family, they need to know someone will listen, they need help knowing what is real. To a child shadows move on their own, monsters live in the closet and under the bed, their best friend doesn't like them because they threw a rock at them, it's a parents job to do all of that. Big scary job, but it is. If home isn't a safe place, if its a dysfunctional crazyland, that doesn't happen. Kids brains aren't developed. They don't know what they are doing. They are just surviving when life is crazy. They don't learn how to feel. They don't learn what emotions are okay or what emotions you should feel about something. So a child makes an unspoken decision to become a caretaker. In the words of the book, "She musters all the strength she can find, she starts taking care of things and people. The child becomes a fixer of people. She learns to smooth out rough spots in relationships. She becomes a problem solver. She covers for her parents when they make mistakes. She may even do some very impressive things to bring honor to an otherwise dishonorable situation. This child is now a caretaker. Caretakers do not have much time to be children." During childhood is when you develop the ability to trust. If something happens to take that away, children learn that trusting is too dangerous and not to do it anymore. They become bullerproof and lose the innocent trust of childhood. In healthy families, when something bad happens, a child can talk about it later and ask what it meant, why it happened, and if everything is okay. In dysfunctional families, nobody says anything the next day, or the next, or ever. Things are never talked about. This is what I read and felt it sink and sink and sink into my heart and awareness of myself.
So Friday, the birthday, I see it everywhere. I saw it in everything I do. In every way that I handled the events of the entire day. I watched myself being a caretaker over something as small as taking lunch orders. I watched myself not trusting others enough to do it. I remembered time after time when I've done it in the past. It's like a movie playing in my mind all day. A mix of my childhood and adulthood and so many things that now made sense. Understanding why I freak out and why I can't imagine a future and why I can't believe God's promises for me. I saw myself not trusting that anyone will stay in my life. I saw myself people a fixer of people, of everything. I saw myself living from crisis to crisis. I saw my walls and how I don't let anyone in and let anyone help me. I saw how I hide from my emotions. I saw so many instances of sabotaging my own success. I saw my relationship with God. I saw what the past two years of this sometimes really difficult season of my life have been. I vividly saw the picture described in the book I wrote in the future and sent back to the present (hehe, the book is called Making Peace With Your Past by Tim Sledge). The author said, "...it's like trying to hold down a bunch of balloons under water. The balloons are all trying to rise as you try to keep them down. Someday you will get tired, and the balloons will shoot out of the water because you will say: I'm tired. I can't hold them down any longer." As I sat on the bathroom floor at work, as I cried my eyes out all the way home, I saw it. I was in the big ol' Camp Garaywa pool. The balloons were red. I was crying and yelling at the sky, "No, no. I can do it. I can fix it. No not that one. I have it. I can take care of myself." And I heard God saying in a calm, loving voice, "Just let go. Kasia... just.. let.. go." And I realized this, this whole process, balloon by balloon, sometimes inch of balloon by inch of balloon, God's teaching me and showing me how to let go and how to trust Him, and other people. I'm not there yet, but it's a process. The definition of process is to work, to shape, to form. Blood, sweat, tears, effort and all, I'm not there, but I'm on my way.
Please don't hear me complaining. I am not at all doing that. I 150 percent believe God gives you the parents and family He meant to. He doesn't make mistakes. And I love and appreciate every sacrifice my parents made. I am alive because of their sacrifices. But I also believe God is the Master Crafter and Orchestrator and Play-maker of my life, of our lives. I believe and know He uses everything, the good, bad, ugly, dysfunctional, crazyland, baggage, issues, mess of life, all of it, for good. I believe He pushes the right buttons in my heart for all of this to come up and to surface so I can break the cycle. So I don't have to keep passing the dysfunction down to future generations. And so that I can help other people. Like I said, life is messy. For 25 years I survived in my safe survival mode pretty wrapping paper covered package. But God decided it was time to get messy and deal with the mess that affected me in ways I never knew. He decided it's time to be broken, and maybe for a while, and sort out all the pieces, so He can put them back together.
So I know I'm growing up. Because yes, I had a crappy birthday with no princess cakes or candles or train rides in formal dresses, but I saw God. I saw God in a friend who cared enough to get my forgotten food. I saw God in a tide pen. I saw God on a bathroom floor. I saw God in a red balloon. I saw God in the encouraging words of several friends I don't let in enough. I saw God in an ugly sombrero. I'm growing up by growing... as a person, as a friend, as a child of God. I'm growing up by discovering the truth about myself and who I am, and who God is. I'm growing up by tearing down my walls one brick at a time. I'm growing up by slowly letting the red balloons go one by one.
And so... I'm 27 now. And I'm going to keep listening to the Jonas Brothers and being obsessed with Harry Potter, but I'm also going to keep growing.
Monday, May 10, 2010
The Waiting Place
In honor of my friend Candace who has found herself in that oh too familiar Waiting Place we've all experienced, I feel the need to share the wisdom of our good friend Dr. Seuss from my favorite book.
"You can get so confused that you'll start to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. . .(dramatic da da da)
The Waiting Place...
for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or the bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting for a Yes or a No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting."
We have all found ourselves in this rather unfortunate place that my dear friend Dr. Seuss defines as The Waiting Place. Waiting for the elevator music to stop playing and lady to stop saying, "your call will be answered in approximately eight minutes or more" for the third time in the past 15 minutes on hold for AT&T, the bank, or all the other lovely numbers we have to call to be put on hold. Waiting to be connected with the operator who gives you a number to call someone else then waiting for the operator there who gives you another number where again you wait for the operator. Waiting in line at Wal-mart or the bank. Or waiting in the doctor's office waiting room. Or waiting for good new or bad. Or perhaps waiting for answers or on a job or on a husband or on directions in life. Whatever the wait, The Waiting Place, I confirm, can be a most unpleasant place. But in those moments of waiting, perhaps God is calling us to trust him, maybe teaching us patience, or maybe He just wants to have us still for a moment so He can whisper softly to us that He loves us and give us a hug. And then...
"No! That's not for you! Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing."
Oh the blissful thought of The Escape... I think there will be Boom Bands in Heaven. I also think the sigh of relief after a stay in The Waiting Place sounds a little bit like a Boom Band tune.
"You can get so confused that you'll start to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. . .(dramatic da da da)
The Waiting Place...
for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or the bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting for a Yes or a No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting."
We have all found ourselves in this rather unfortunate place that my dear friend Dr. Seuss defines as The Waiting Place. Waiting for the elevator music to stop playing and lady to stop saying, "your call will be answered in approximately eight minutes or more" for the third time in the past 15 minutes on hold for AT&T, the bank, or all the other lovely numbers we have to call to be put on hold. Waiting to be connected with the operator who gives you a number to call someone else then waiting for the operator there who gives you another number where again you wait for the operator. Waiting in line at Wal-mart or the bank. Or waiting in the doctor's office waiting room. Or waiting for good new or bad. Or perhaps waiting for answers or on a job or on a husband or on directions in life. Whatever the wait, The Waiting Place, I confirm, can be a most unpleasant place. But in those moments of waiting, perhaps God is calling us to trust him, maybe teaching us patience, or maybe He just wants to have us still for a moment so He can whisper softly to us that He loves us and give us a hug. And then...
"No! That's not for you! Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing."
Oh the blissful thought of The Escape... I think there will be Boom Bands in Heaven. I also think the sigh of relief after a stay in The Waiting Place sounds a little bit like a Boom Band tune.
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