Honesty

I'm gonna be honest. I'm struggling right now. Not only with being consistent in posting and keeping my promises (obviously I didn't post twice today like I promised to make up for yesterday), but also with having a negative, insecurity, and believing what I'm speaking for myself.

I'm choosing to fight through and believe that God loves me, even though I feel the most unlovable I've felt since starting this journey right now. I'm not going to write more, because I do want to "do everything without arguing or complaining," but if I write right now, I'm going to be arguing with myself and complaining. Honesty. It's gross sometimes.


For the month of October, I'm participating in The Nester's #31Days blog writing challenge. My topic is Food for Thought. I'll be writing about two main things. 1. Understanding and believing God's love. 2. Making life in the kitchen more manageable. You can read all my #31Days posts here. 

Confession

Tonight, I confess that I'm exhausted. I didn't have a moment to sit down at my computer all day. I've been staying up too late posting these posts (and last night baking), and I need to go to sleep right now so I'll get up and spend time with Jesus (and wash my hair!). Jesus makes me love writing and I need some quality time with him! Since today is a making the kitchen manageable day, I'll throw in a kitchen tip...

Sometimes, it's okay to need a break. Sometimes it's okay to make hamburger helper. Sometimes it's okay to order a pizza. Sometimes it's okay to eat cereal for dinner. HEAR ME SUPER WOMEN EVERYWHERE... IT'S OKAY TO NEED A BREAK. And so, I'm going to bed, and taking a break. I'm even leaving those dirty dishes in the sink.


For the month of October, I'm participating in The Nester's #31Days blog writing challenge. My topic is Food for Thought. I'll be writing about two main things. 1. Understanding and believing God's love. 2. Making life in the kitchen more manageable. You can read all my #31Days posts here. 

My Favorite Day

The Preface

My favorite day... is not today. My favorite day is a week from today. But today, I want to write about my favorite day. And since I'm super in love with this day and feeling super cheesy, I'm even going to label each section with chapter titles! (Just love me and all my weirdness, okay? Okay!)

However, allow me to interject and say today was an incredible day! I can't imagine my actual favorite day being better than today, but I know it will be just because of the memories and memorial-like meaning it has. The longer my celebration of my favorite day has gone on, the more the week leading up to it and days after it are just as lovely! I will return to my explanation of my favorite day and why it's connected to my #31Days topic on daring to believe in God's love for me, but for a brief-ish moment allow me to tell you about today!

Chapter 1: The Interjection

Today was just fabulous. I accidentally overslept because I dreamed someone told me to go back to sleep so I could go to the doctor later (what?!), which seems bad, but actually felt quite nice! I woke up in just enough time to get ready and be at work on time. It felt beautiful. I wore leggings and a cardigan and a bow in my hair. I had Boo Berry cereal for breakfast and drank Cheerwine for my morning caffeine since I didn't have enough time to get or make coffee. If you are from the East coast, you might not get why Cheerwine would make me so happy, BUT I've never been able to find it in Mississippi. I discovered it the summer I spent in Charleston, South Carolina. And Sunday night I found it in a Dollar General in my town in Mississippi! The afternoon was good, door open, feeling the cool, crisp new air. Hung out with a friend. Washed clothes without having to wait on students to use the machine. And then I met with my accountability group, some of my favorite girls on the planet right now, at our local coffee shop, Cups. We opted to sit outside because it was a beautiful 59 degree night. As we sat there sipping our coffee, or pumpkin chai tea latte for me, talking about Jesus and our lives, a four person folk-ish band was practicing outside with us! At one point as we were all basking in the giddiness of the night I said, "Is this real life?!" IT. WAS. BEAUTIFUL. If I didn't already have a favorite day, I would have officially made today my favorite day! End interjection.

Chapter 2: The Introduction

So, I have a favorite day. October 14th. Inevitably I will be counting down and chattering about my favorite day until it gets here and apparently having a favorite day is not super common/normal. Therefore, people always ask why I have a favorite day. Of course I will still happily tell them about it, but I thought I'd write about it since I gush about the favorite day countdown and details on social media and have many new followers and friends who are new to my life and may not know the story.

Chapter 3: The Story

Once upon a time, almost 11 years ago, on October 14th, 2003, the leaves fell from the trees, swirled through the air, and landed on the ground in an exceptionally beautiful way. In the way that makes your insides jump with giddiness and a huge cheesy grin form on your lips and stay there. In a way that makes you close your eyes and take in the moment, the wind on your cheeks, the coolness in the air, the feeling of life. Some people say everything feels alive in the spring, I happen to think it feels ironically most a live in the fall.

You see, fall is my favorite. I've come to realize not everyone has a favorite everything, but I am not one of those people. I have a favorite EVERYTHING! Multiple favorite everythings. Ask me simple question like, "what's your favorite color?" Well I'd say my favorite color overall is pink, but my favorite color to wear is green and my favorite color to decorate with is red. I have a favorite cup, lipgloss, chapstick, nail polish, flour, flower, store, cardigan, dress, and I could go on and on. But fall, fall is a different kind of favorite. Fall has always made me ridiculously happy, giddy even. And on this lovely day when the leaves swirled in their exceptional sort of way, the 20 year old college sophomore version of me noticed.

I cancelled all my classes for the day (what I liked to call skipping), and stayed outside the entire day. I played in leaves, laid in leaves, crunched leaves, had a picnic outside, prayed, and decided to remember that October 14th was an exceptionally beautiful fall day. The next year my theory proved right about the day, it was just as beautiful. In college I was a lot better at believing God loved me. It wasn't until some stuff from my childhood, the ways it manifested in my life as some sin struggles and chains, and the shame that came with it all a little later in life that I lost my ability to believe in God's love for me. One the first October 14th, and even more so on the second when it was again a beautiful day, I vividly remember believing with all of my heart that October 14th was the day that God made for me. I remember knowing and believing that it was going to be our day, a day for me to remember Him and that He loved me enough to give me such a beautiful day.

In case you didn't know or couldn't tell, I'm quite the share-y type. So of course, October 14th caught on. It became a day that my friends and I celebrated! I even got presents (one year one of my friends even made me a t-shirt). I get almost as many calls, text, and Facebook posts wishing me a happy favorite day as I do on my birthday. Somehow, even during the years that I was struggling with depression and completely taken over by unbelief, I still felt God's love every October 14th. Even on the days when rain was predicted for October 14th, it usually didn't rain, and if it did, it was short-lived. And the rain on those days? The most beautiful rain! Even on years when I thought God had forgotten me, somehow He always showed up to remind me He was there and loved me.

So, I always make plans to celebrate it. I do care about my birthday (more than most people), but I love October 14th even more. One year when I was living in New Orleans we drove to a beautiful part of town, brought drinks and picnic supplies, got crepes from a walk up place, and had a beautiful picnic in the middle of a beautiful park. Many years we've gone to dinner, always opting for places with outdoor seating. I could tell so many stories and list the gifts people have given me (totally unnecessary of all of my friends, but so sweet and loving!). And so of course, when someone reminded me today that my favorite day was a week away, I immediately jumped to action to come up with a plan (in addition to deciding in that moment that I'd write this post). I just so happen to not have to work that day because it's a game week and I get Monday off instead of Friday off! See?? God knew. I'm convinced.

Chapter 4: The Plan

-Sleep until 9:00 am.

-Wear a pretty dress and a scarf, have cute hair, wear makeup (I rarely wear makeup, so it's significant!).

-Start the day with an hour or so Jesus at Starbucks with a pumpkin spice latte sitting at an outdoor table.

-Pack a lunch, a blanket, and book and eat, read, and rest outside under a tree.

-Have a BYO (bring your own) dinner picnic.

-Walk to Cups to meet with my accountability group, drink something fall-ish, walk home (or with them while we're meeting) and take a detour to the Old Towne Clinton Courtyard and end the night by thanking God for using something silly like a favorite day to show His love for me and pray for my future husband (and that he's in the near future vs. the far future!).

Chapter 5: Believing

I'm super convinced that this October 14th is going to be the best yet. Even if the temperature is a little too hot and something doesn't go just right, I've never been as close and intimate with Jesus as I am right now or as aware of His love and redemption of my life, and for those reasons, it will be beautiful, new, and crisp.


For the month of October, I'm participating in The Nester's #31Days blog writing challenge. My topic is Food for Thought. I'll be writing about two main things. 1. Understanding and believing God's love. 2. Making life in the kitchen more manageable. You can read all my #31Days posts here. 

Meal Planning 101: Week 41

Am I gonna use a regularly scheduled meal plan post to count as a #31days Food for Thought post? Why yes I am! If they fall on a day that happens to be one of the making the kitchen manageable days, why not?! It counts.

Am I going to keep it short and sweet because today was another busy day (first Sunday Gathering for Arise Church - the new church plant I'm part of + crock pot prep + sewing project with friends for orphans = NO MORE TIME!), yes, yes I am! 

Monday: 

Crock Pot Pumpkin Chili  (with tortilla chips and toppings)

Tuesday: 

OWLs Dinner? (if we have it bringing Pumpkin Spice Latte Baked Donuts (sort of this recipe, gonna change it up a bit), if not, leftovers!)

Wednesday:

Hosting Missional Community! Serving a baked potato bar (baked potatoes, cheese, green onions, pumpkin chili, bacon, broccoli, butter, sour cream ranch, etc) and a s'mores bar. 

Thursday: 

Leftovers (baked potato smorgasbord) 

Friday: 

Crock Pot Chicken and Dumplings

Saturday: 

Leftovers

Sunday: 

Crock Pot French Onion Soup

So... maybe I went a little crock pot crazy with this meal plan, but it actually feels like fall!

For the month of October, I'm participating in The Nester's #31Days blog writing challenge. My topic is Food for Thought. I'll be writing about two main things. 1. Understanding and believing God's love. 2. Making life in the kitchen more manageable. You can read all my #31Days posts here. 

Love Defined

I now know that posting on the weekends for this #31Days challenge is going to be hardest! I'm a routine kind of person. I post and do everything best when life is routine. Weekends are meant to not be routine! It's 11:31 pm on a Saturday night right after I just hosted a girls' night and I've got nothing. NOTHING. Well, I have my outline, but not enough time to write about what I "planned" to write about. And so, I'm going to cop out and do two things. 1. Webster.com define love. And 2. Post a video.

1. Love: an intense feeling of deep affection; deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment; devotion, adoration, doting, passion, ardor, desire, yearning, compassion, care, caring, regard, solicitude, concern, friendliness, friendship, kindness, charity, goodwill, sympathy, kindliness, altruism, unselfishness. 

What I want to do is write about all these words, I probably will come back to some of them. But... It's 11:52 now. So what I'll do is say let bask in these together. God loves me. He loves you.

2. This song always gets me. It always always always reminds me that God can handle my heart. With all it's doubts and craziness and that he's big enough to love me in all of my me-ness and because of it.

Sorry for the cop out! I'll make up for it, I promise. I don't promise, however, that a couple more posts like this won't happen during my #31Days. :) 

For the month of October, I'm participating in The Nester's #31Days blog writing challenge. My topic is Food for Thought. I'll be writing about two main things. 1. Understanding and believing God's love. 2. Making life in the kitchen more manageable. You can read all my #31Days posts here. 

Fall To Do List

If you're keeping up, today is one of the making the kitchen more manageable days in my Food for Thought series. After the super lengthy meal planning post and the super length love and bad moods post I decided you might enjoy a fun less wordy more listy type post! One of the things that I think is essential to a manageable kitchen, is having fun things to look forward to. What's more fun that fall?! Absolutely nothing in my book. Fun fall things to bake and make, fun fall parties to have and host, fun ways to decorate your kitchen and make it even more fun to be in. IT'S ALL ABOUT FUN! I've seen tons of fall to do lists on Pinterest, and though I love Pinterest and use it for many things, make your own fall to do list! Put things on that list you want to bake, make, cook, and do. The kitchen will always feel more manageable when you make it a fun place to be.

My Fall To-Do List: 

Make fall flavored baked donuts. (doing it this week!)
Make homemade hot chocolate.
Make homemade apple cider.
Go over board on decorating. (done!)
Make a family recipe for dressing.
Cook a real pumpkin.
Make a new fall wreath. (done!)
Master three new soups.
Make homemade apple sauce.
Make my favorite pumpkin cookies. (done!)
Host a girls' night with fall themed goodies. (doing it this weekend!)
Take a nap outside with a blanket in leaves.
Go on a hay ride.
Make my nanny's apple dumplings.
Go to a bonfire (and have s'mores).
Crunch every leaf possible. (in process!)
Start sewing Christmas gifts for people.
Have a picnic.
Pick out pumpkins. (done!)
Go to a pumpkin patch.
Collect real leaves and acorns for a fall arrangement.
Go on a walk through the Nature Center.
Drink a warm beverage at the Olde Towne Courtyard with people or a person. (Preferably on a date in October! Now taking applications... Just saying.)


For the month of October, I'm participating in The Nester's #31Days blog writing challenge. My topic is Food for Thought. I'll be writing about two main things. 1. Understanding and believing God's love. 2. Making life in the kitchen more manageable. You can read all my #31Days posts here. 

Love and Bad Moods

I had over half of a post written about my struggle to believe in God's love in my singleness, and it was positive and great! I was looking forward to writing the rest. I even had a great outfit day (lots of compliments aka outfit confirmations), a perfect side braid day, and a coffee meeting that involved a PSL.

And then...

I got pulled over for speeding. Yes, wrong. But I didn't actually know I was speeding or what the speed limit was. 44 in a 30. All my fault. But I got a ticket. Was late meeting the people I invited over to my apartment to watch the season premieres of two long anticipated shows. Then discovered I no longer have the channel that the show plays on. THEN I realized I wore a price tag connected to my shirt under my armpit ALL DAY.

And so, I'm not nearly as positive as I was earlier. Is it the end of the world? No, obviously! But I know my post about being loved and single has so much more potential with me in a good mood, so I'm delaying it. The past me must have known the future me was about to have a stinky evening because I was drawn in by the marketing genius to get the Taylor Swift edition Diet Cokes. I mean Taylor Swift + a cute tall can + Diet Coke = WIN! I also happened to pick up some Reese's pumpkins. So when I got home, I let my self shed a tear or two, found another show to watch, ate a Reese's pumpkin, and had a fancy Diet Coke! The writing on the box got my attention when I got home (after all the chaos).

"If you're lucky enough to be different, don't ever change." Thanks Taylor. I needed to be reminded that in all my craziness of crying and freaking out about a ticket and a TV show for teenagers, wearing a price tag on my cute shirt all day, and buying Diet Coke just because it has Taylor Swift's name on it even though I'm 30, that I'm still lovable. Being reminded that my craziness is okay, also lead me to be reminded that regardless of how my crabby mood could most definitely probably make every person I know decide not to like me, God still loves me.

Though it may be a small thing, it's a big thing for me. My brain is a little crazy, if I haven't mentioned that enough in these few paragraphs, so the fact that I went from thinking I should minimize my people intake so I don't make people hate me to a happy thought about God still loving me is a big deal! Instead of defaulting to my old way of thinking and processing to allow something like getting a speeding ticket to lead me into a place of self condemnation and dislike, a night of sadness, and convincing myself that no one, friends, family, myself, or God should like me, let alone love me, I was [almost] instantly reminded that God loves me, people love me, and I love me (not in spite of all the things that make me "lucky enough to be different" but because of them, because God loves me, and more)!

My spirits were lifted. I was still a little bit mad at that dang cop (how dare he do his job!?), but I enjoyed my fancy diet coke, got in comfy clothes, chose to write about singleness when I wasn't mad at a cop, indulged in a little chocolate treat, and watched some feel good TV (thanks Glee for NOT playing the Finn episode tonight, couldn't have handled it!).

God often uses things like Taylor Swift Diet Coke quotes, TV commercials, Dr. Seuss, and many more oddities, to remind me of truths about Him, and I'll never be sad about that. Just more proof that God knows me and how my brain works and loves me. Taylor's Diet Coke quote, reminds me of some ever familiar scriptures in Psalms and Luke.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them. If I would count them, they are more than sand. I awake, and I am still with you." (Psalm 139: 13-18, ESV)

All the bold emphasis is obviously added my me. But these parts I added bold emphasis to, they stick out to me. They speak to me. Not in a way that I'm translating them from the original language and deciphering the meaning of each word (so thankful people can and do that). But in a way my heart and imagination, the heart and imagination God gave me, see them for me. Why?

"You formed" - HE took the time to form and create ME! And He loves me.

"You knitted me together in my mother's womb" - I'd like to think it took a little extra work to knit together such a beautiful baby girl (I was a stinking cute baby!) in the womb of a drug addicted mother (whom I do love dearly despite many of her life choices) that was the a combination of DNA from another drug addict and alcoholic (my dad, whom I love more than anything, miss every day, and rejoice that Jesus saved and changed him before he died) who was given then name Kasia (a "lucky enough to be different" kind of name). And He loves me.

"fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your work" - Me. Loved. Cherished. Special. Fearfully and WONDERFULLY made. His works are wonderful. I am His work. I am wonderful. And He loves me.

"My frame was not hidden from you" - My frame. My specific frame that often causes me to doubt my ability to be loved. My frame, one that isn't skinny. It wasn't, it isn't, hidden from Him and He loves it and me.

"intricately woven" - Every detail. Every mannerism. Every last freckle, bad eye, crooked tooth, and quirk. And He loves me.

"the days that were formed for me" - Even the days that I get speeding tickets and have a crabby mood. Even the days that I don't think I can make it through like the upcoming year anniversary of my dad's death. He knew them. He knows them. And He loves me.

"Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows." (Luke 12:7, ESV)

And I have a lot of hair guys. I don't know if I have more hair or freckles. But He knows the number. Every one. He even knows the number of worlds I ramble on and on about and type on and on about. I can't keep up. Can you? And He loves me. And He loves you.


For the month of October, I'm participating in The Nester's #31Days blog writing challenge. My topic is Food for Thought. I'll be writing about two main things. 1. Understanding and believing God's love. 2. Making life in the kitchen more manageable. You can read all my #31Days posts here.